A Sacred Commitment

By Janice Townsend, Spokane, Washington

“Write a few words of advice for our new bride. We’ll put them in a book for her.” I followed the request of the hostess at the wedding shower and wrote something like this: “Whenever you are tired of putting up with irritating traits in your spouse, ask yourself how many annoying traits they are putting up with in you.” Later I overheard another guest comment on what I had written. “Sure,” the young woman said, “be willing to settle for second best.”

My feelings of being off the mark in my advice were greatly soothed recently in a conversation with that same woman. Speaking of the minor irritations that sometimes appear in our wedded lives, she remarked, “Well, any marriage has those kinds of things in it. You just have to overlook them.” Yes! I thought. Time and experience are great teachers.

I have had many years to learn the lessons that time and experience bring to any relationship. Fifty-two years ago I stood before an altar clasping the hand of the person I loved, the one with whom I wanted to spend my life. In the presence of friends and family we promised to be each other’s companions, husband and wife, keeping ourselves wholly for each other, and from all others, as long as we both should live. Our story is one of high school sweethearts who married, established a home, raised two children, and who now share the joys and challenges of their senior years.

Our marriage would be considered a good one by most people. Was it because Keith and I were so perfectly matched in compatibility? Was it because we always knew what the other was thinking and feeling, and we were willing to respond in exactly the right way? Or was it because in the circumstances of life the only practical option open to us was staying together? None of these are true, so perhaps the real reason our marriage has remained strong is because we have been willing to learn from the experiences that time has brought our way.

The passing years have brought Keith and me basic lessons in such things as how to communicate, how to resolve differences, how to give support, how to trust and respect, how to show love, and how to forgive. One of the most important things we have learned from time and experience is the need for independence within a dependent relationship.

I am thankful that Keith and I have always been willing to let the other function as an individual. Each of us has felt free to make our own choices as to how we will express our personhood. Neither of us has had to stand submerged in the shadow of the other. We are both able to stand alone as complete individuals, yet we have chosen, and continue to choose, to share our individuality as we walk through life together.

Keith and I are not the same people who stood together so long ago pledging to join our lives through the sacrament of marriage. Yet despite our growth and change through the years, one thing remains the same: We still choose to do the things that will keep our marriage strong. In my mind and heart I believe the reason we do so is because we see our relationship as a sacred commitment to God and to each other.

Perhaps that is the most valuable lesson of all—that marriage is a covenant relationship. It is a vow to be kept, a pledge to be honored, a holy promise to be remembered. For us, marriage is the sacred choice we have made to always walk a common path, not only with each other but also with our God.