Visions of Family Life for the Community of Christ

Jeri Lauren Lambert

Jeri Lauren Lambert is a partner to Sam and a full-time mother to Claire and Logan. She is a family ministry specialist with the World Church Peace and Justice Ministries Office and a therapist with the Archdiocese of Louisville, Kentucky. In addition, she is pursuing a doctor of ministry degree at Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary and is a member of the Forest Hills congregation of the Community of Christ in Louisville, Kentucky.

 Introduction

It is a pleasure to be with you this morning. I have imagined for a while now this opportunity to share with you visions of home and family life. It has been a joy to meet you and work side by side with you this weekend for the strengthening of family relationships. I believe that our work of repairing and healing the most precious relationships we each experience has only just begun. I have faith that the tools that we have gained from the workshops over the course of these past few days will be put to good use in the days and weeks ahead.

My Story of Family

I am fortunate to be supported in my work by my family, many of whom are in attendance today. In order to offer a context for my thoughts this morning, I would like to share briefly my own family history. I am the first-born daughter of Marilyn Turner and John and Cathy Sheppard, sister to Leah Sheppard and to Stephen and Alan Skiles. Native of Oak Ridge, Tennessee, I was baptized into the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints at age eight in a swimming pool at the home of Bob and Ann Stuck. As a gift for my baptism I received the three books that make up the church’s canon of scripture: the Bible, the Book of Mormon, and the Doctrine and Covenants. You may be familiar with the set; it was bright purple and had figures from each of the books represented on the covers. Shortly thereafter, my family accepted World Church appointment and we moved from Oak Ridge, Tennessee, to Independence. While my father underwent training to become an appointee I made my way through third grade. Our first assignment was to Grand Rapids, Michigan. Memories of Michigan include grades 4th-8th, close church friends, Holland beach and youth camps at Manitou. Our home in Michigan was in Granville, a community who closed businesses on Sunday and prayed openly in restaurants. It was hard for me to leave Michigan. I had made good friends in those five years and as eighth-graders we were looking forward to high school. Still, we got ‘the call’ and accepted an appointment to Louisville, Kentucky. This move brought me to the state that I call home. My husband, Sam, is from Marion, Illinois and is also rooted in the Community of Christ. His family has been an active part of the church in the Southeast Illinois area for many years with branches of the family now reaching into Nashville, Tennessee, Lexington, Kentucky and Denver, Colorado.  Our common goals and interests led us through three years of courtship before we married in the summer of 1997. In the fall of 1997 I began studies at Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary in marriage and family therapy. I decided to add a second degree, a masters of Arts in religion, and graduated in May of 2000. During the course of my seminary studies the most formative of those three years was my work as a therapist for the Archdiocese of Louisville at the Catholic Family Counseling Center– where I continue to see clients today. With regard to their support and education of family I have what I call “Catholic envy”.  While I do not share their theology, I am in awe of the support the Catholic Church offers to families in the form of marriage preparation. The Community of Christ shares with the Catholic faith the commonality of regarding marriage as a sacrament and for the purpose of strengthening families through better marriage preparation I believe there is much we can learn from our Catholic neighbors. Since graduating from seminary in May of 2000 I have worked with the World Church Peace and Justice team on a number of projects on a part-time basis which has allowed me to stay home with my daughter Claire and new son, Logan.  Recently, I have returned to Louisville Seminary to pursue a doctor of ministry degree focusing on family ministry.

I was ordained to the office of teacher in the Community of Christ in November of 2002 by my father, John Sheppard and grandfather, Sherman Sheppard. I will never forget the phone call that preceded my call to Teacher. My sister, Leah, called to tell me that she had been called to the office of priest. During the course of that call she expressed concern that I had not yet been called to the priesthood - to which I responded that God must have known that I could not accept a call in a denomination that would not also ordain my sister. I am thrilled to say that Leah and I continue to share a deep bond that has been fostered by our calls to serve in the church. Aside from these experiences of growing up, one of the turning points in my life was the divorce of my parents. Having been married for six years now myself, I have a different perspective than I did at age 20. The divorce was painful for my parents, my siblings and myself as well as our home congregation and district. Even now, fourteen years later there are still rough edges. I am blessed to have experienced the pain of divorce as it serves to inform my work as a therapist and as a minister as well as my relationship to my husband and children.  I know first hand that not all marriages last forever and some should not. It has been amazing to see the personal growth that has occurred for everyone involved.

Growing up in the church I experienced family in a different way than most of my classmates in public school. For many of my friends grandparents lived in the same town or at the very least in the same state. An appointee’s kid during third grade through high school, my grandparents and other extended family lived a full day’s drive from us – in other states. Cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents were a phenomenon of the holidays as we generally only saw them when the families gathered for Thanksgiving, Christmas or Easter. While those blood ties are important and have shaped me in many ways, the people who filled the vacant places of my extended family in my growing up years were the people in the congregations where my family worshiped. There are disadvantages to having your parents work for the church. Long hours, frequent trips away from home, seemingly endless requests for help most often in the form of a phone call during the dinner hour. The advantage for me was that I now have extended family in a number of states. Literally, in three states I have grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins, none of whom are related by marriage or by blood. Instead, they are my brothers and sisters in Christ – people who loved me, guided and directed me and, if necessary, corrected me. Their presence in my life formed me in a way that my biological family could not – they were a part of my daily life and filled a void for me that would have otherwise remained empty. The care for my family has continued to the present. Now, when I fill out forms for my children that ask for an emergency contact other than my husband, Sam or myself, I write down the names of my ‘church parents’ who very much offer the parental support I need as well as the grandparenting that Claire and Logan would not otherwise receive. You see, now as an adult, my parents live out of town and while they are doting grandparents and real friends to me, there are times that I need what has been termed ‘God with skin on.’ I need someone to watch my baby while I run to the store for diapers with my toddler. The people in our home congregation, Forest Hills, see my kids on a weekly basis. As a result, my kids know them and are most comfortable staying with them in their homes while I run a quick errand. This extended family of brothers and sisters in Christ is one of the most powerful forms of ministry that the Community of Christ has to offer. It made a real difference for me as I grew up away from extended biological family and is already having an impact on my own children.

The Church Fellowship Has Much to Offer…

Given the size and personal warmth of our congregations I believe that there are those who would benefit greatly from an experience of extended family, such as I enjoyed growing up. I believe that the Community of Christ can offer people something that many crave – the hand of fellowship and of kinship - unwavering brotherly and sisterly love through Christ. If we take to heart the understanding that familial relationships are the basic unit of the congregation then we have a mission. Our mission is reconciliation and healing of the spirit, peace, joy and love. Reconciliation and healing of the spirit must come first.  There is real power in discerning my part in a conflict and believe me, there would not be a conflict if only one side of the equation made a mistake. Recognizing my part in the problem and confessing it to the person or people involved begins the healing of the spirit that we talk about as our mission. We talk about it, but do we do it? In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus asks us to turn the other cheek, to love others as we want to be loved, to forgive. The place that we learn to do just that is in the family.

From a publication by the National Conference of Catholic Bishops titled A Family Perspective in Church and Society:

The church is essentially a community of believing persons, joined in relationship in fulfillment of the Lord’s command to love one another. As the basic community of believers, bound in love to one another, the family is the arena in which the drama of redemption is played out. The dying and rising with Christ is most clearly manifested. Here, the cycle of sin, hurt, reconciliation, and healing is lived out over and over again. In family life is found the church of the home: where each day “two or three are gathered” in the Lord’s name; where the hungry are fed; where the thirsty are given drink; where the sick are comforted. It is in the family that the Lord’s injunction to forgive “seventy times seven” is lived out in the daily reconciliation of [partners], husband, wife, child, grandparent, brothers, sisters and extended kin.

How very important then that we know what strengthens families, both biological and chosen. It is the essence of the work of family ministry to do just that in the Community of Christ. By recognizing that familial relationships are the basic unit of the congregation we may begin to focus time, energy and resources in a way that will have maximum impact toward building up the body of Christ.

Defining Family

Who is the family? For many the definition of family is elusive, even threatening. Many authors and groups have defined family, though inevitably someone gets left out. For instance, if you say that family is made up of people who are related by blood you will leave out my friend who is adopted. If you say that family is comprised of people related by blood and by marriage and other legal arrangements, you will exclude my experience of the congregation as extended family. And if you say that the definition of family must include children and marriage you leave out my friends who were never able to have children and my friends who are widowed and divorced. No one I know wants to be left out of the definition of family. And so, if you say that the definition of family does not include people who have chosen to live with someone you exclude my friends and family. Some of them live together for the financial benefit of a roommate, others do so out of a loving, devoted commitment. It has been my experience that if they consider themselves family then it is so. In fact, in my work as a therapist trained in marriage and family therapy, the people that matter most to the therapeutic situation are both those that the client considers family and people who are related by blood. If I do not take them all into account I will most likely miss the opportunity to truly help my client. For myself and in my work with families, I think of home and family in a sort of tandem unit. It is helpful to know who lives in your home and whom you call family. Ultimately, these are the people who impact your life, for good or for ill. If you consider someone a friend it is generally understood that the relationship is important to you. If you call someone family, chances are that they share a special bond with you that is even closer than friendship. Close relationships require sensitivity to others and skills in addressing conflict to remain healthy. Mary Pipher, the author of Reviving Ophelia suggests, “The most useful phrase for anyone in a family is ‘I apologize.’ A great deal of anger and sorrow can be eliminated if family members learn to say they are sorry.” I could not agree more.

Ministering with Families

If we have an understanding of the term family to mean those who are connected either by blood, legalities or by choice, what then does it mean to minister with families? I would like to underscore this wording for you – ministering with families. It has been my experience of ministry that when I offer myself in ministry I also receive. In fact it is the times that I do not anticipate ministry from those to whom I am called that I am most humbled. I call the experience of ministering with someone, as opposed to someone, the “reciprocity of ministry”. And what is ministry? I believe that it is representing God to someone. If we are each created with a spark of knowing, an innate awareness of our Creator, then in my mind each of us is capable of representing God to others.

As Diana Garland, director of graduate social work education at Baylor University and longtime leader in the study of family ministry, says:

Family ministry is helping persons live as they ought to in family life, according to the purposes and promises of God. It includes not only working with families themselves, but also developing the congregational community as a support for righteous living.  Family ministry [is also] prophetic, speaking to the larger community and society on behalf of families. (367)

I would like to tell you about a recent experience that has parallels with our work in family ministry. One morning as I made my way to the Catholic Family Counseling office I encountered a thick fog. It lay over the area where I live like a fleece blanket and limited my vision behind the wheel to seventy-five yards. I imagined that the fog might clear as I drove out of my subdivision. Instead, as I made my way out of my neighborhood toward the office I discovered that everyone on the road that morning was also navigating the same seventy-five-yard visual space in front of their vehicles. At the stoplight on the corner, just past the donut shop and across from the gas station I had a decision to make.  There are several ways to get to the counseling office but each way presented its own set of concerns giving the blinding fog. If I chose the winding two-lane with its own obstructed views I would risk a head-on collision. If I opted for the eight-lane expressway I could hardly imagine the number of ways that I could be in an accident.  It struck me that there was any number of ways that I could get to the office, each with their own risk. It was also clear that I would be stepping out in faith as I traveled – giving God the reins and believing that with God’s guidance and watch-care I would arrive safely. I chose the eight-lane expressway. Not only did I arrive to the counseling center safely - my clients did as well. The journey toward the vision of home and family life has been remarkably similar. The destination is crystal clear – strong, healthy families. Though the goal is defined, the pathway has not always been free of fog. Instead, as a taskforce we have trusted in God’s guidance and direction and over the past two years empowering work has been done in the area of family ministry.

I would like to return to Diana Garland again. In her work, Family Ministry: A Comprehensive Guide, she offers the following nine themes of family strengths:

1. Strong families share a commitment to one another and a sense of connectedness. A sense of commitment is the foundation of family strength. When family members are committed to one another, they can endure significant challenges. Many express their family commitment as an extension of their commitment to God.
2. Strong families have adequate time together, which is spent effectively in meeting family needs, working together and enjoying recreation. Strong families have established family routines and spend significant amounts of time together. They eat meals together, do household chores together, go camping or engage in other forms of recreation together, attend worship together and celebrate special events. They recognize that quality time is not possible with a significant quantity of time together. At the same time, strong families recognize that individuals need to have time alone and time in activities outside of family life.
3. Strong families have effective communication and conflict management. Strong families know how to use humor that is kind and non-hurtful as an antidote to stress and as a way of enjoying one another. Strong families know how to complain well and how to listen and work through conflict effectively.
4. Strong families share sufficient expression of appreciation and encouragement. Strong families not only commit themselves to loving one another; they also like each other and let each other know it. They keep the rate of appreciation and expressed positive regard much higher than the rate of complaining and criticism.
5. Strong families have agreement on and competence in the fulfillment of the roles and responsibilities of family life. Strong families have clearly defined roles that are both flexible and just, as defined in their social context. Families are stronger when they support one another in the fulfillment of their family roles.
6. Strong families have a shared spiritual life that gives meaning and purpose. In studying how families cope with stress, researchers have consistently found that involvement in religious groups and activities and a shared religious worldview that gives meaning and purpose to life experiences are among the most significant characteristics of strong families.
7. Strong families have involvement in, support from and contribution to their community and larger world. Families can be strong when they have communities of people who care about them, and for whom they care in return.
8. Strong families have a positive family identity and shared life story. Strong families have daily and special rituals that affirm their commitments to one another, their respect and love for one another, and their patterns of relating. They have a rich heritage of stories that relate the meaning and purpose of their life together and what it means to be a family member. Their rituals and stories evolve over time in response to changing needs and experiences of family life, folding in new members and honoring those who have gone before.
9. Strong families have the ability to cope with crises and developmental changes. Families teach their members to manage crisis and suffering. Not all crises can be mastered; some simply have to be suffered through. Strong families provide a context in which their members can model for one another the effective management of crisis and how to “suffer well.” Strong families know that no experience is worthless if it teaches lessons. They help their members become more tolerant, empathetic and emotionally complex through crisis and suffering. Families become more resilient through adversity, not despite it.

Marriage Preparation

Through my work as a therapist I have come to believe that marriage preparation and support for newly married couples is one of the corner stones of family ministry. Judith Wallerstein, one of the authors of The Good Marriage, says,

For the first time in our history, the decision to stay married is purely voluntary. Anyone can choose to leave at any time – and everyone knows it, including the children. There used to be only two legal routes out of marriage – adultery and abandonment. Today one partner simply has to say, for whatever reason, “I want out.”

Wallerstein goes on to say,

Each year two million adults and a million children in this country are newly affected by divorce. One in two American marriages ends in divorce, and one in three children can expect to experience their parents’ divorce. This situation has powerful ripple effects that touch us all.

You may or may not be surprised to learn that based on research conducted within the past two years, the Community of Christ experiences a divorce rate that is higher than the national average. It is a passion of mine to provide ministry with people preparing for the sacrament of marriage, specifically, to facilitate conversations that help them to address issues in their relationship. In conversations with pastors and other congregational leaders I understand that this is an area of ministry that our people often feel ill equipped to address adequately. I do not believe that it is too strong to say that if we hold marriage as a sacrament then we as a faith tradition have much work to do toward preparing people for such a sacred event. Having been married for six years now and having worked with a number of engaged couples as well as married couples in crises I do not know how a marriage can last without God as the focus-point. This is the essence for me regarding the sacrament of marriage. We hold that God is a part of the union of two people – that in the sacramental moment we are in the presence of God. In Peter Judd’s text titled, The Sacraments, we find the following:

Marriage is a covenant. The covenant is made between the two individuals in the presence of God and of the church as witnesses. The words, “You both mutually agree to be each other’s companion” indicate the nature of the marriage covenant. It is a commitment to companionship, mutual support, shared responsibility, and love toward each other. The marriage covenant has as its ideal the depth and integrity that characterize God’s covenant relationship with humanity. The sacramental nature of the marriage covenant derives from its relationship to God’s covenant with humanity. Furthermore, in marriage two individuals embark on a covenant relationship in which they commit themselves to express their best understanding of the demands of Christian discipleship. (116-117+)

How then, do we prepare people for this event, much less for a lifetime of commitment? Certainly, you cannot tell another person what it is to be married. First of all, each relationship is unique and, second, many couples with their heads in the clouds are unable or unwilling to see the reality of their situation until many months or years after the wedding ceremony. In my mind, marriage preparation is very important. Follow-up after the sacramental event is also crucial to the success of the union. So then, how do you prepare people for marriage? There are any numbers of methods, though most follow the same path. Ultimately, it is important to facilitate conversations between the individuals who desire to be married. Couples need the opportunity to examine a variety of issues in a confidential, trusting environment. My experience suggests that it is generally helpful for someone other than the celebrant to conduct initial sessions. This creates a broader base of support for the relationship. Ideally, the couple will become comfortable with both the person who offers marriage preparation sessions as well as the person who officiates and can use either person or both as resources during the course of their marriage. When is marriage preparation most effective? Research suggests that couples should begin marriage preparation from one year to six months prior to the ceremony. Anything less than six months prior to the sacrament of marriage allows minimal emotional space to examine the relationship critically. The strong possibility exists that the financial and social obligations of the ceremony will prevent individuals from stepping back from a situation that becomes identified as less than ideal. It is easier to postpone or, if necessary, cancel a wedding when there are no contracts with photographers, etc., than it is to call things off after the invitations have been mailed. It has been recommended that churches across denominational lines create a policy that they will not marry a couple in less than six months. This policy allows pastors and other priesthood members the graceful exit from a sometimes-difficult situation. If a couple is interested in being married in a church that holds marriage as a sacrament, then they should be prepared to go through the process of preparing adequately for the sacrament. I once worked with a minister who asked if I would be willing to offer a couple marriage preparations. When we looked at the particulars, the couple wanted to be married in just a few months time. I indicated that the couple had not allowed enough time prior to their wedding to complete the process. I further suggested that the minister was well within his rights to reconsider marrying the couple unless they extended their timeframe. The minister stated that he was more interested in making sure that they were married in the church than going through the marriage preparation process. The couple that I have been speaking of were not members of the church and the minister had hopes of “reeling them in”. They were married in the church and have never returned and to my knowledge have no contact with the minister. I suggest that such action on the part of the officiant of the sacrament of marriage is irresponsible. At the very least, it does a disservice to the couple, who may or may not make it in this era of high divorce rates. Fundamentally, it erodes the sacramental nature of marriage. What is it to be married in the Community of Christ? Do not hear me suggest that people outside of our church should not be married in our congregations. Instead understand that without adequate and timely preparation we do them a disservice and we no longer uphold marriage as a sacrament. Ideally, we would agree as a faith tradition to hold to a more structured process of marriage preparation. The timeframe of one year to six months would be a standard to be deviated from only in extreme situations. We would offer couples marriage preparation based on Dennis Clinefelter’s Temple School course “A Guide for Premarital Discussions” or use inventories such as FOCCUS or Prepare/Enrich. To tackle the divorce crisis that we are suffering I urge us to begin making an important cultural change in our movement. Good marriage preparation at least six months prior to the ceremony will give each couple married among us the best possible beginning.

A Vision and a Program for Homes and Families in the Community of Christ

The Family Ministry taskforce came into being as a result of a resolution that was brought to the 2000 World Conference. We have worked diligently for the past two years to bring focus and practical application to the work of ministering with families. The task force is made up of a variety of individuals who are highly skilled in their professions and who bring a passion for healing and reconciliation within homes and families. It has been an honor and a real privilege to chair the task force and I am thrilled with the fruits of our labors.

The following statement of Vision of Home and Family Life that has evolved through the work of the Family Ministries taskforce over the past two years. This statement has recently been approved by the World Church Leadership Council, which includes the First Presidency, the Council of Twelve, and the Presiding Bishopric among others.  It is as follows:

 Visions of Home and Family Life

Family Ministries Task Force, Community of Christ
(Endorsed by the World Church Leadership Council, September 2003)

Introduction

Among the current Discipleship Goals is the emphasis: Strengthen family relationships. The health of family relationships is important for its members and blesses the life of congregations. In this policy we seek to recognize the diversity of families in the Community of Christ and seek ways to foster healthy relationships in whatever family individuals find themselves. We also remember that Jesus was single and lived a full life in community with others. Home is used intentionally to include both those who are single and those living in family. Home ministry is a ministry long recognized in our denomination. We view spiritual health of individuals and their families from a holistic perspective – including physical, economic, cultural and relational well being.

Key Scripture

“…Your people shall be my people, and your God my God.” (Ruth 1:16 NRSV)

“Choose this day who you will serve…but for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15 NRSV)

Mission Statement for Home and Family:

As home and family we are called to proclaim Jesus Christ through nurturing relationships of joy, hope, love and peace.

Vision

1. We believe that we are made in the image of God, who is at the same time parent, child, and Spirit. We are therefore created to be in relationship. In addition to relationships commonly associated with the home, strong mutual relationships take various forms including intentional community, extended family, congregations and wider church community.
2. We believe that the home is a place where opportunities to grow by participating in forgiveness and reconciliation are manifested on a daily basis. The home is a place where ideally brokenness is embraced as a doorway to God’s grace, where difference and otherness are celebrated. The home is to be a place where we seek to love one another without fear of abandonment.
3. We believe that covenantal relationships are called to reflect the Reign of God.* It is within intimate communities that we experience love and hope, respect and mutuality, play and laughter, sorrow and pain, stewardship and service.
4. We believe that shared faith creates a foundation of stability and unity in the home through the sharing of sacred stories, values, beliefs, and practices across generations. The fruits of faith include faithfulness, prayer, generosity, hospitality, and life lived in response to God’s love.

* The Reign of God is another way of saying Kingdom of God without a masculine connotation. The Reign of God calls us to inclusive well being. It is an abiding call to righteousness or right-relationships – between God and humans, each other, and humans and nature.

Program

In this initial phase of programming designed to strengthen family relationships we seek to uplift the importance of children growing up in stable and loving relationships. We begin strengthening home and family by equipping ministers and other leaders through training in their ministry to:

1. Strengthen healthy relationships within marriage by:
1. Equipping ministers to participate in comprehensive premarital and post-ceremony preparation and education fostering mutual companionship.
2. Providing ongoing marriage enrichment opportunities.
2. Provide home visiting ministry to all by:
1. Equipping ministers and others in skilled home visiting
2. Encouraging the development of stewardship practices in the home.
3. Enabling spiritual formation, family worship, and connecting with church school and camps.
4. Engaging homes in the ministry of hospitality.
3. Support all families by providing:
   1. Parenting education including spiritual formation.
   2. Human sexuality training
   3. Education in family financial management
   4. Encouragement to both men and women to be responsible for the loving care of their children.
4. Advocating for all families so that:
1. All families have sufficient income and benefits to provide for their children
2. Parents have adequate time available to care for their children including parental leave during late pregnancy and after the birth of their child.

I would like to call your attention to the scriptural passages that offer a foundation for this policy. The Joshua passage is familiar to most and serves to remind us of our servanthood and that commitment to service is a choice freely made. The Ruth passage may not be as well known. I would like to offer a fuller understanding of the way in which the scripture from the book of Ruth brings added depth to this statement of home and family life. From The Harper’s Bible Commentary:

According to rabbinic tradition, the main theme of Ruth is chesed, loyalty or faithfulness born of a sense of caring and commitment. Chesed is a Hebrew term used to describe God’s relationship to Israel as well as the relationship among members of a family or community. All of the main characters in the book, Naomi, Ruth and Boaz, act with chesed. Naomi, although she technically had no responsibility for her widowed daughters-in-law, was concerned that they find new husbands; she went out of her way to see that Ruth did. Ruth, on her part, had no obligations to Naomi, but she remained steadfastly with her, even giving up her native land and religion; all of her actions were directed toward finding support and protection for Naomi. Boaz too took upon himself a commitment beyond what was required; not only was he willing to redeem the family’s land, but he was eager to marry Ruth and enable the family name to be perpetuated. God also manifested … chesed, by virtue of which the individuals are repaid for their loyalty by finding security and fulfillment, and the family that came close to destruction finds new life and continuity. (262)

I believe the family ministries task force intuited this emphasis on loyalty and faithfulness among family members in their choice of the Ruth passage as it was one of the quickest points of consensus that we experienced in our two years of work together.

It is also my belief that this statement of vision of home and family life stands on the shoulders of our tradition and the work that has gone before in home and family ministry. It is my hope that it will be a catalyst for the necessary changes to our current practices regarding ministering with homes and families.

Adjunct Family Ministries Specialists

To support the program aspect of this statement we are very pleased to announce today that there is a group of individuals, identified as adjunct family ministry specialists, who will be available to the field for training and educational opportunities for priesthood and other congregational leaders. These individuals are each highly skilled in areas specific to ministering with families. Their contact information is available, in addition to their area of expertise, on the church Web site (www.CofChrist.org). We begin today to provide the necessary training and educational opportunities to implement this policy of empowering priesthood and congregational leaders to minister with increasing confidence and effectiveness in homes and with families. It is my hope that in the future there will be an even larger network of skilled professionals available to the field. Each of the adjunct family ministry specialists have undergone rigorous application process and have been approved through human resources. Like any visiting minister their expenses will be assumed by the congregation or mission center inviting them, including travel and accommodations. In addition they will receive a very modest honorarium from the World Church for their services.

Together with you who find yourselves in the trenches, dealing with the realities of ministering with homes and families, we understand the difficulties that you face. It is not easy to be with others as they experience pain and realize the consequences of their actions. We do not ask you to go into this work alone or unprepared. Instead we are ready today to begin equipping you and others in your congregations with the necessary skills to address the concerns regarding marriage preparation and parenting, among other family issues.

The Importance of Referral

While it is our responsibility not to shy away from the difficult issues presented in home and family life, it is phenomenally important that we understand our limitations. We do not have to know everything – we can and should call on others to help. To quote Thomas W. Klink -   “Referral is not a pastoral failure. It is a subtle and important helping art…” Howard Clinebell identifies the following as persons who should be referred:

1. People who can be helped more effectively by someone else;
2. People with problems for which effective specialized agencies are available in the community; and
3. People whose needs obviously surpass the minister’s time and/or training.

Clinebell goes on to say

Pastors [and other congregational leaders] should prepare themselves for an effective referral ministry…This involves doing two things

1. assembling a growing referral file of community resources and
2. building relationships with the social agencies and helping professionals.

An organized referral file becomes increasingly useful as the minister accumulates information about social agencies; directories of pastoral counseling specialists, psychiatrists, clinical psychologists, marriage counselors and AA groups etc; phone numbers of pastoral counseling centers, emergency psychiatric facilities, mental health clinics, suicide prevention centers, etc.

In Conclusion

Brothers, Sisters, and Friends in this faith family, we have in front of us a journey through the fog. Let me describe to you our destination. I see the Community of Christ as a faith tradition that calls individuals to walk the path of the disciple. In that walk, we encounter others on their journey and we reach out to them and affirm their experiences. As disciples walking the path, we make choices regarding the direction of our lives in tune with the mind and will of God. I see the Community of Christ in our representative congregations offering reconciliation and healing of the spirit through ministry to homes and families. This healing is available to all and as we reach out to offer the hand of reconciliation “they will know we are Christians by our love.”  I see the Community of Christ bringing peace, love, joy and hope to people’s lives because we are willing to be with them in the messiness of life as well as in times of celebration. I see congregations of the Community of Christ as lighthouses in the fog – shining a way of life in Jesus Christ that restores hope and offers healing. It is possible and it will take work for us to become a faith tradition that is well equipped to offer effective family ministry. If we are willing to put forth the effort “the fields are white - already to harvest”.

Be sure, I do not recommend that we go into the work of family ministry unprepared or unskilled. The world is littered with the lives of people who came to church expecting ministry and left empty-hearted. To support the ministry and training required we are very fortunate to have a newly established network of highly skilled professionals available to you in your congregations and mission centers.  Again, I am thrilled that we have six adjunct family ministry specialists who are available for training and ministry with priesthood and other leaders in retreats, or day or weekend workshops.

We do not expect you to navigate the fog alone. Skilled help and training is a telephone call away. The destination is clear: strong, healthy families.  This weekend the call has been issued – it is our mission as homes and families to proclaim Jesus Christ through nurturing relationships of joy, hope, love and peace. We can transform our congregations and our world one home, one family at a time.