August 27, 2004

First Congregational Listening Circle Completed

In the United States, 30 mission centers have begun the Listening Circle process, ranging from scheduling the initial organizational meeting to having a Listening Circle underway. Mission centers in Australia and Canada are also exploring dates for training. As many as 40 mission centers are expected to have initiated Listening Circles by the 2006 World Conference.

As of July, four congregational Listening Circles were underway and one completed. Gainesville, Florida, was the first congregation to complete a Listening Circle series. Facilitator Cindy Campbell attended a training led by World Church conflict resolution specialist Sandee Gamet in February.

Cindy participated in a Listening Circle as part of the training and said, “I found that being in a group and using paraphrasing was very freeing and safe. People were trying to understand me instead of debate with me and that allowed me to clarify my own thoughts, be creative in ideas I could express, and feel safe from judgment in doing so.”

Her experience at the training allowed her to feel heard in new ways. “I was surprised at the controversial issues that were offered in small groups,” Cindy said, “and yet pleased with the open and accepting way people treated each other as they expressed their own opinions.”

Members of the Gainesville Listening Circle, left to right: Michalina Bartlett, Lori Byer, Cindy Campbell, Ken Campbell, and Melanie McGee.

The Gainesville Listening Circle included four members and friends plus the facilitator, Cindy. “There has been a lot of interest expressed in participating in groups,” she said, “so there will be another Listening Circle group in Gainesville on the issue of homosexuality this fall.”

Confidentiality is a key element of Listening Circles. The following participants agreed to share something about their experience with the process while keeping specific content confidential.

Participant Melanie McGee said, “At times, the format of the circle was frustrating because it prohibited normal back-and-forth conversations. The process of paraphrasing someone else’s comments was very challenging. However, it forced you to listen-really listen-to another’s words.”

Melanie continued, “This began to reveal to me how much we miss because we don’t listen closely to what others are saying, or we misunderstand much of what they say.” Another participant acknowledged the same benefit, saying, “Before, I was always thinking up my response while the person was speaking.”

Ken Campbell admitted that although it was a good experience, he would not have been likely to seek it out on his own. He said, “The format almost forced me to say what I think about homosexuality when in regular conversation I probably wouldn’t have said anything. So, the format did flesh out opinions that might not otherwise be heard.”

Ken also noted that the group developed deeper understanding of each other and grew closer through the process. “I am glad I participated,” he said. Melanie also appreciated the new levels of understanding that were reached.

She said, “The process of sharing our ideas, beliefs, concerns, and experiences in a safe, confidential, and nonjudgmental atmosphere helped promote understanding. And understanding each other’s perspective moves us toward respect for each other… I think everyone should participate in at least one Listening Circle just to gain the insights and practice they provide.”

Listening Circles Build Relationships

When it comes to the topic of homosexuality, many people have strong opinions on how individuals, society, and the church should respond. Others prefer not to “take sides” or would rather not deal with issues that elicit intense emotions from many of their contemporaries. This inhibits some people from checking into Listening Circles.

But Listening Circles are not about conflict, debate, or decision-making. They are about building relationships among people with diverse viewpoints. Homosexuality is only one issue we deal with as a church. This topic does not wholly define any individual or organization.

Listening Circles are about keeping communication open, assisting people by cultivating understanding of differing views in ways that facilitate trust and respect. The process strives to keep the church together, and begins to examine the underlying understandings that inform people’s beliefs.

“It’s our vision of what Zionic community is all about,” said Sandee. “The question is, how do we live out ‘one heart, one mind’ in the midst of our diversity,” she said.

Sandee pointed out that a lack of relationship building intensifies division. She said, “For example, if we don’t talk to our neighbors and then they do something we don’t like, there is no relationship to draw from.” In these scenarios people may not really know one another or appreciate each other’s unique situations.

Sandee continued, “This same phenomenon is also happening in the church when we don’t talk to each other.” However, if people have built relationships, they realize there is more to another person than what he or she said that they do not like. Such relationships can be fostered in Listening Circles.

“The desire is that all people have the opportunity to talk about this topic [homosexuality]. It is not a forum to be convinced by others that a particular point of view is right,” said Sandee.

Throughout the six- to ten-session Listening Circle series, the topic is explored on different levels in the direction the group determines it would like to explore. “Each Listening Circle will have a unique path,” explained Sandee.

Specific avenues of dialogue include but are not limited to underlying theological issues; perspectives on priesthood and homosexuality; how people’s opinions have been shaped by their faith tradition, family of origin, and personal experiences; and scripture.

Each of these topics can be quite thought-provoking, engaging the mind. Still, Sandee emphasized that Listening Circles are more focused on building understanding about each other as individuals. Respect for all points of view is created as people build an understanding of the context within which each person developed their perspective. “It’s about heart to heart conversations,” she said.

Sandee noted that while most people find value in the Listening Circle process, “It is not a perfect fit for everyone.” This was the case for Skip Twitchell (Shenandoah, Iowa). Although he was not originally interested, Skip felt challenged to sample a Listening Circle session during the 2004 World Conference.

“I didn’t feel I gained much by expressing myself to a non-critical audience, and I don’t appreciate listening when I can’t respond,” he said. While he felt there was some benefit to explaining how he felt, Skip would appreciate opportunities for debate. “If I can’t rebutt, it’s not worthwhile,” he said.

Sandee agreed that Listening Circles are not formatted for debate. However, she feels it is appropriate to respond to others after listening. “You just have to wait your turn,” she said.

Apostle David Brock, chair for the Committee on Homosexuality and the Church, is encouraged by the progress of Listening Circle organization and facilitator trainings and is interested in additional options. “We are encouraging everyone to participate in a Listening Circle. At the same time, other processes need to be considered as we continue to explore what it means to live in harmony with each other in the midst of our different perspectives,” he said. Listening Circles will proceed as supported by the 2004 World Conference as the committee considers additional options.

If you would like further information about Listening Circles, visit www.CofChrist.org/peacejustice/listening-circles.asp. To participate in a Listening Circle or implement the process in your congregation, please contact your mission center or Sandee Gamet at 1001 W. Walnut, Independence, MO 64050 USA; 1-800-825-2806, ext. 1353; sgamet@CofChrist.org. 

--Kendra Friend reporting

September 2004 Herald.  Used with permission.

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