For Further Reflection and Discussion
- Where have you seen the principles of Christ–like love, mutual respect, responsibility, justice, covenant, and faithfulness most clearly demonstrated?
- How has the Holy Spirit changed your perspective in relationships with others?
- Where have you seen relationships that did not embody principles of Christ–like love, mutual respect, responsibility, justice, covenant, and faithfulness? What were the consequences?
- How has your experience with God shaped your understanding of healthy relationships?
- How has scripture shaped your understanding of healthy relationships?
- How can we as disciples best model the relationship principles in Doctrine and Covenants 164 in our congregations?
- What are some ways your life experience may create challenges to clearly seeing and applying Christ-like principles to behaviors and relationships you encounter?
- How do our differences impact our ability to maintain healthy relationships with each other?
—Ron Harmon
Council of Twelve Apostles
It's All About Relationships
by RON HARMON,
Council of Twelve Apostles
Herald, April 2011
As revealed in Christ, God, the Creator of all, ultimately is concerned about behaviors and relationships that uphold the worth and giftedness of all people and that protect the most vulnerable. Such relationships are to be rooted in the principles of Christ-like love, mutual respect, responsibility, justice, covenant, and faithfulness, against which there is no law.—Doctrine and Covenants 164:6a
Explore more deeply what this scripture has to say about relationships in this seven-month series. How can we let Section 164:6a guide and shape us with new understanding in a world that is often more characterized by fear and separation than connectedness and hope? Send your comments to
Herald@CofChrist.org and we may print them in a future issue.
As Doctrine and Covenants 164, preamble to paragraph 5 suggests, “Serious questions about moral behavior and relationships continue to arise in many nations.” The reality is that men, women, and children struggle in unhealthy relationships in every part of life and in every corner of the world. As a church rooted and grounded in Christ, we are called to promote and embody relationship principles that uphold the worth of all persons and protect those most vulnerable (Doctrine and Covenants 164:6a).
This article is the first in a series that will explore the relationship principles in Doctrine and Covenants 164:6a. This counsel calls the church to a deeper understanding and application of these principles to questions of moral behavior and relationships in all nations.
These questions are not easy. They will require our willingness to engage in challenging conversations. As we approach this exploration together, we expect the Holy Spirit’s guidance in our study, discussion, and discernment.
The behaviors we exhibit in our relationships are of concern to God. Doctrine and Covenants 163:2b counsels, “The restoring of persons to healthy or righteous relationships with God, others, themselves, and the earth is at the heart of the purpose of your journey as a people of faith.”
This focus is not new for disciples of Jesus Christ. Jesus said it plainly in Matthew 7:12 NRSV, “In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and prophets.”
How we live out the gospel through our relationships is central to our mission. Jesus counseled his disciples in John 15:12 NRSV, “This is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you.” In this passage Jesus reveals one of the most-powerful forms of witness for the early Christian church—how we treat each other as brothers and sisters in Christ.
Doctrine and Covenants 164:6a builds on this foundation. It counsels us to go deeper in our understanding of healthy relationships and strive together to embody the behaviors of Christ–like love, mutual respect, responsibility, justice, covenant, and faithfulness in all our relationships.
This work begins in our families and congregations, where we work to create a foundation for healthy relationships that informs all areas of our lives. How can we more intentionally build that foundation by creating learning opportunities and modeling healthy relationship principles in our congregations and families?
I recently shared with a person who was struggling through a separation from his wife. As I listened, it became clear that at some point they stopped working on the relationship. Living out the principles in paragraph 6a of Doctrine and Covenants 164 requires intentionality and commitment.
How we approach our relationships has real consequences, not only for us, but those closest to us. What troubled this person most was the negative impact the progressively unhealthy relationship had on his son. His son now is struggling in his marriage and repeating some behaviors he had seen for so many years with his parents.
As I travel throughout my field I find unhealthy relationships in congregations as a significant barrier to mission. In working with congregations I discover broken relationships that have existed beneath the surface for years for several reasons.
I often am told the issues have long been forgotten. Yet they surface in multiple conversations and behaviors. Without trust, it is difficult to have conversations that matter, and the congregation typically avoids discussing issues that may result in conflict. Over time the congregation becomes a place that looks OK on the surface but fails to meaningfully live out the gospel in sacred community.
Doctrine and Covenants 164:6a–c challenges us to use the relationship principles in the counsel as the standard for evaluating and in some cases changing behaviors so our relationships are rooted in Christ-like principles.
This means we are called to critically evaluate cultural norms of behavior and relationships through the lens of the gospel of Jesus Christ. This at times will place us in the uncomfortable position of challenging what the majority considers acceptable. This majority sometimes will include those who claim the name of Jesus Christ but are so close to their own culture they struggle to critically evaluate behaviors and relationships that clearly are not consistent with Christ-like principles.
As we explore these complex issues together, we turn to the example of Jesus Christ, the Living Word, as contained in scripture and experienced in our relationships with God and each other. Paragraph 5 of Doctrine and Covenants 164 provides the foundation for our journey of becoming a new creation in Christ:
It is imperative to understand that when you are truly baptized into Christ you become part of a new creation. By taking on the life and mind of Christ, you increasingly view yourselves and others from a changed perspective. Former ways of defining people by economic status, social class, sex, gender, or ethnicity no longer are primary. Through the gospel of Christ a new community of tolerance, reconciliation, unity in diversity, and love is being born as a visible sign of the coming reign of God.
When we are truly baptized into Christ we begin to see ourselves and others from a changed perspective. The Apostle Paul bore witness to this transformation in 2 Corinthians 5:16–18 and Galatians 3:27–29. I have experienced this changed perspective when I have opened myself to the transforming power of the Holy Spirit. It is not a one-time transformation but a process as I release old ways of thinking and allow room for a new vision to emerge.
* * *
It was early on a Saturday morning as I walked into the waiting room. All the times I had visited her in the hospital, she never had shed a tear. But this morning the tears flowed. She allowed herself to ask aloud the questions she had tucked away for months. Our life experiences were very different, but in those moments we were drawn together in the raw reality of a mother’s love for a dying son.
I listened intently to her questions and resisted the temptation to offer hollow phrases of comfort. I simply was present. The walls that divided us because of life circumstances, gender, and political/religious perspectives faded into insignificance.
I was aware of the Spirit’s presence as my perspective changed. She no longer was a young mother with a son struggling with a life-threatening illness. They were now part of my family. My love and sense of pain took on intensity that disrupted my ability to keep the relationship at a distance.
Through the gift of the Holy Spirit I saw deeper and responded more fully to a beautiful person very different than myself. A new understanding and experience of being in relationship through Christ emerged for me that day. I glimpsed the potential we have to transcend societal barriers and truly become brothers and sisters in Christ.
As we discuss serious questions about moral behavior and relationships it will be a challenge to resist engaging in the polarizing rhetoric that divides families, congregations, communities, and even nations. Because of the complexity and emotionally charged nature of the issues before us, some simply may decide to withdraw from the conversation.
As a people of faith we have a responsibility to rise above these temptations and come together with common purpose to discover God’s will for our time and place.
In her book, Truly the Community, Marva Dawn states:
How we belong to one another in the Christian community is a sign of God’s unfolding love, which is sufficient for all the times of loneliness or fatigue or pain or grief that we might have to bear. What would it look like if the Christian Church were truly a community that thoroughly enjoyed being itself? It seems to me it could change the world!
Developing and maintaining healthy relationships are challenging but central to our call to live out the gospel of Jesus Christ. When we fully understand and live out the principles of Christ–like love, mutual respect, responsibility, justice, covenant, and faithfulness in all our relationships we demonstrate how we belong to one another in Christ.
I believe this example is urgently needed in our neighborhoods, towns, and villages. I believe it can change the world.